Job

 

I don't know if I love or hate my job. I love my job because it gives me money every two weeks. I love my job because I get health insurance. I love my job because my coworkers are actually ok people; it's the clients and enterprise support that give us trouble. I hate my job because my alarm is set to 7:50am and I have a work call every business day at 8am. The 10 minutes between my alarm going off and the meeting is mental hell. I am laying in my bed half asleep but fully aware I am going to have to hear my coworkers voices for the next half hour. I hate my job because there are days where I don't do anything but still get paid anyways. Sometimes I stream movies on the clock all day and I don't do anything. The job makes me hate myself for not being productive, makes me think about my body as a capitalist machine, and unworthy for such a position. I hate my job because there are other millions of other people who would kill to have my job but I hate my job. I hate that my job requires me to be in front of a computer all day. I actually have a genuine interest in computers, free open source software, and web development, but my job is a black hole siphoning the light from these interests. I hate my job because I've been doing it for 2 years. I hate my job because right now there is a major project happening and my team is responsible for it and it is stressful. I hate my job because despite having a stressful project I still do nothing some days and feel bad. I hate my job because after finishing the work day I feel drained even though I was sitting in front of the computer all day, and drained even when I am not doing actual work because I am actively avoiding the work which stresses me out. Thinking about how I hate my job and still having the job makes me hate the job more. I hate my job because I hate my job. I hate my job because I think about how much I hate my job late at night. I hate my job because the person reading this would probably want this job and I couldn't blame 'em. I hate my job because this job sucks.

Is it normal for people to hate their jobs? Who would do the shitty jobs if no one wanted to do them? I am under the belief that no one in IT actually likes this work, but they need a job to survive capitalism. None of my coworkers, managers (maybe the CEOs), or other IT teams seem to like this kind of work and we all play along with the client as well as we can to keep this shitty job so the money keeps on flowing in. It'd actually be pretty hard to get fired from this job. All that's required is to join meetings when they are scheduled, help users with screenshots about software, pull an item from the backlog to develop, maintain applications. I am the server janitor. I am the cloud janitor. The cloud janitors sitting behind websites. Mopping up scattered bytes. Totally unseen, but everything works. Electrons on bare metal manipulated in meaningful ways. Meaningful? Business requirement. Each one a meeting, a thread of emails, software on software on software. Sometimes it doesn't work even for us. That's a big problem. Admin Password. Don't use it.