Subversion Snippets
January 6th - The mind is a walled garden. Nothing can corrupt it; not a woman's
beauty, nor poisonous ideologies. The flowers themselves are small
programs to make the world work. New flowers take time to grow;
attention is their water. In this sense, beauty is a trojan horse. It's
not a person's fault if they are beautiful; it is their fault if they
use it maliciously.
January 10th - My boss asked if I was feeling better and I said yeah BUT I still have some sinus congestion.. and she cut me off and was like "no, stop, don't want to hear it" and I was almost offended because I guess I'm so used to discussing that stuff with my parents who aren't as grossed out because they're a nurse and a plumber, but it makes sense that a white-collar female absolutely does not want to hear those details from one of her subordinates.
January 25th - A thought experiment: abandoning goals. It's a bit dangerous because what if it actually happens? Just pretend you don't care about your aspirations anymore. Abandon all expectations you and anyone might have of yourself. Just for a few minutes. It's almost addictive. Letting go of everything. Becoming nothing, being as useful as a rock.
February 9th - Staring at business dress shoes adjacent to the ceramic base of a toilet; shoes idly waiting above small, beige floor tiles speckled with grey dots for their wearer to finish their bowel movement; shoes wanting to return to the comfort of dark grey carpet underneath the shadow of light grey desks rather than on a cold, dirty bathroom floor. I pity them, and hurry to wipe.
February 12th - The man belongs in the palm of a woman's hand. The man, pushing a stroller, follows the pointed hands of his wife and child like dainty compasses.
May 29th - Falling from my bed into my work desk like a pachinko game, everyday I ping against bus stop and metro rails and suddenly, I am here. Gravity is the routine; it handles everything for me. I receive my prize and it is an office job inside a cubicle working for $35/hr. Is this the reward everyone seeks? Am I simply too sheltered to understand how good I have it?
May 2nd - There is a man I've noticed among the thousands of people who I see on DC public transit who is fascinatingly ugly. His ugliness is not the only factor in my noticing; he also uses the same bus as I do commuting to and from work, we both live in the same apartment complex, and sometimes him and I both sit at our own tables, alone, sipping coffee and eating sweets at the dunkin donuts nearest to our apartments on weekend mornings.
Upon my initial realization of this man, I pitied him. He is ugly, older, balding, alone, working a government job. It was until about the 5th or 6th time I saw him I further realized this ugly man is me. Not in a twist ending sort of way. I am the same as him: alone and uncaring.
The man is standing before me waiting in line for the bus. He does not know my name. We have never spoken to each other; only ever have we made quick eye contact. So perhaps we both understand that we are alike in many ways, but we also understand we are both the type of men who keep to ourselves.
It occurs to me that I want to speak to him. What's he like? How old is he? What are his hobbies? Has he ever had a significant other? What music does he listen to? If I had seen a girl instead of an ugly man in a similar situation, then my motive becomes more complex. Do I want to speak to the girl because of the many commonalities we share, or simply because she is attractive? I would not be able to tell. In the case of the ugly man, the motive is clear. Perhaps motives shouldn't be questioned at all, only followed.
January 10th - My boss asked if I was feeling better and I said yeah BUT I still have some sinus congestion.. and she cut me off and was like "no, stop, don't want to hear it" and I was almost offended because I guess I'm so used to discussing that stuff with my parents who aren't as grossed out because they're a nurse and a plumber, but it makes sense that a white-collar female absolutely does not want to hear those details from one of her subordinates.
January 25th - A thought experiment: abandoning goals. It's a bit dangerous because what if it actually happens? Just pretend you don't care about your aspirations anymore. Abandon all expectations you and anyone might have of yourself. Just for a few minutes. It's almost addictive. Letting go of everything. Becoming nothing, being as useful as a rock.
February 9th - Staring at business dress shoes adjacent to the ceramic base of a toilet; shoes idly waiting above small, beige floor tiles speckled with grey dots for their wearer to finish their bowel movement; shoes wanting to return to the comfort of dark grey carpet underneath the shadow of light grey desks rather than on a cold, dirty bathroom floor. I pity them, and hurry to wipe.
February 12th - The man belongs in the palm of a woman's hand. The man, pushing a stroller, follows the pointed hands of his wife and child like dainty compasses.
May 29th - Falling from my bed into my work desk like a pachinko game, everyday I ping against bus stop and metro rails and suddenly, I am here. Gravity is the routine; it handles everything for me. I receive my prize and it is an office job inside a cubicle working for $35/hr. Is this the reward everyone seeks? Am I simply too sheltered to understand how good I have it?
May 2nd - There is a man I've noticed among the thousands of people who I see on DC public transit who is fascinatingly ugly. His ugliness is not the only factor in my noticing; he also uses the same bus as I do commuting to and from work, we both live in the same apartment complex, and sometimes him and I both sit at our own tables, alone, sipping coffee and eating sweets at the dunkin donuts nearest to our apartments on weekend mornings.
Upon my initial realization of this man, I pitied him. He is ugly, older, balding, alone, working a government job. It was until about the 5th or 6th time I saw him I further realized this ugly man is me. Not in a twist ending sort of way. I am the same as him: alone and uncaring.
The man is standing before me waiting in line for the bus. He does not know my name. We have never spoken to each other; only ever have we made quick eye contact. So perhaps we both understand that we are alike in many ways, but we also understand we are both the type of men who keep to ourselves.
It occurs to me that I want to speak to him. What's he like? How old is he? What are his hobbies? Has he ever had a significant other? What music does he listen to? If I had seen a girl instead of an ugly man in a similar situation, then my motive becomes more complex. Do I want to speak to the girl because of the many commonalities we share, or simply because she is attractive? I would not be able to tell. In the case of the ugly man, the motive is clear. Perhaps motives shouldn't be questioned at all, only followed.