Seasons as American Holidays
Seasons will be replaced with holidays to maximize revenue for the capitalist machine. We are already seeing early signs of this; Dunkin Donuts and Starbucks are releasing pumpkin spice drinks earlier and earlier every year, Halloween candy is on store shelves in August, and as soon as Halloween passes Christmas stock practically flies onto the shelves. It simplifies the process for corporations profiting from the holidays into neat financial quarters. The worst part is this ideology will be widely accepted by everyone unanimously because if it ain't party time, it's not a good time!
Spring will be St. Patrick's Day and St. Valentine's Day mashed into a super holiday called "Season of the Saints" lasting the entire duration of normal Spring. Season of the Saints, much unlike its name, will consist of people celebrating worldly concepts like Beer and Love. Everyday will be like the following: getting sloshed the first hour of wake, and trying to find themselves a date. It's ok if they fail because they can go to Season of Saints happy hour (day?) happening at every bar in town where everyone is reeling from rejection, trying their hardest to court their next fancy, or perhaps both!
In summer, everyday will be independence day. There will be firecrackers going off 24/7. There will be great deals on ice cream and "yacht shorts". It will be so hot in the future people will need to start going to underground chambers with refrigerated air conditioning to cool off. Houses will be built underground with windows replaced by televisions and computer screens. All the water on earth will dry up and be moved into the atmosphere and earth will momentarily look like a grey dot, like a small gas giant composed purely of evaporated water until it comes crashing down at the end of summer. The underground houses will become flooded and the screens short circuit, electrocuting everyone in the house. Once the skies clear and the water is back and the ocean's trash finds itself on the front doorstep of the people who didn't recycle, it's time for Halloween.
Fall is Halloween. Everyone eats candy. For breakfast, lunch, and dinner the menu is candy. Grocery stores stop stocking food and just stock candy. Whole Foods stocks organic sugar cane candy. Oh yeah and pumpkin spice. Everyone is in costume. After the summer flood, people immediately sport their favorite hollywood characters. What everyone doesn't know is they are already wearing fake hollywood costumes everyday of their life, but on the inside. They are happy because their skin can match. They eat more candy to coat their insides with even more processed garbage. Everyone becomes pre-diabetic or gets/has Type 2 Diabetes.
Winter is Christmas. This is already true, I don't have to riff on it. I've met multiple people who keep Christmas trees up the entire year and it's completely normal for them. Lots of shit gets sold during Christmas. Lots of shit also gets stolen. Money is donated to corporations, not actual people in poverty going to soup kitchens to eat because its the only time of the year people become generous if at all. Large amounts of money are spent on frivolous gifts, and as shiny and new as they will seem in a few years they will be just as dirty and old.