How to not have a good time

Not sure what came over me today, but after reading 730DC's newsletter today made me go out and do stuff after work. There was music on The Wharf scheduled at 6:30pm, which is down the street from the FCC. I've been messaging someone on tinder and invited her out since I genuinely thought these were good ideas, but she said she had plans. To hell with her, I decided to do these things anyway by myself. Well, it turns out the sun was shining directly in the audience's faces during the concert and it was really hot and muggy and I was in my work clothes so that was a complete failure. Nonetheless, still determined to have a nice Wednesday, I ventured off to U street for a pina colada festival a bar was hosting. Their kickoff happy hour advertised $6 pina coladas, which is extremely cheap compared to regular DC drinks. Upon arrival at 7pm, it was packed. There was no where to sit, and I'm not comfortable around crowds alone. But I was determined. I got 2 pina coladas because I wasn't waiting in line for another drink. This also turned out to be a mistake because not only was there no place to sit, but now I couldn't easily open the door to the upstairs patio because I had akimbo coladas. After some struggle up the stairs and with the door and a bit of spillage, I discovered the patio was also packed. I saw an open couch and asked the girl sitting if it was open and she gave me the "well, yknow what, these two seats are reserved for some people that I'm waiting on and-" and I said "whatever, nevermind" while spilling more of my pina coladas and I made my way back to the door and realized I would have to go back downstairs to look for a seat, which involves opening the door again and I said to myself "fuck it" and chugged one of the pina coladas so I could free my right hand for door knobs. So after going downstairs and discovering there's no more chairs, like, at all, I awkwardly strut outside and awkwardly stand by the exit door with my remaining pina colada, alone and viciously eyeing anyone who tried making eye contact with me as some sort of a last-resort self-defense mechanism. All the while I'm working up a glistening forehead sweat because I'm outside and still in work clothes.

I came home a bit defeated, but at least it's barely 8:30pm. I find solace in blasting music, playing computer games, and wearing just shorts. Reminding myself every time I try and go out alone I think, "It always ends up like this, why do you even try anymore man you are happy right here, in your room where everything you love surrounds you and you don't have to worry about things like forehead sweat and spilling pina coladas."